Over at the Edge of Vanilla, Tom Allen linked to Margot Weiss’s interview on Salon.com about her new book regarding the ways in which the BDSM Scene fails to live up to its own rhetoric of transgression. The comments on his blog, which is primarily read by chastity/orgasm denial enthusiasts, who are themselves a sub-niche of the sex blogging world related to but typically distinct from the BDSM Scene proper, prompted me to leave this (as-yet-unpublished) comment of my own:

Holy shit, Tom!

The comments on this post to date are the most disappointing and, frankly, largest pile of exactly the kind of privilege- and responsibility-denying bullshit that I’ve read about this, particularly MyKey’s ad-hominem ass hattery. And it’s no surprise to me that Peroxide’s ignorance is showing; Weiss’s scope was expressly defined as the public BDSM community, so his argument is not just derailing, it’s just fucking stupid.

Like I said on Twitter, if you’re surprised at any of this, you are sexist, racist, and/or classist, and it’s no wonder you do BDSM as an “escape.” It’s no wonder these commenters are jolted into ridiculous, defensive irrationality; THEY’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM. I’ll make no bones about making sure there are not going to be safe spaces for such behavior—those attitudes have got to end, and I’m going to end them one way or another. That’s a promise and a threat.

I’m incredibly disappointed in your blog readers, Tom. I’ll stick to the top half of your blog from now on. Disgusting.

This is particularly timely, considering the weekend I just had.

Sure enough, one of the previous commenters, a blogger named Scott who seems to write a pretty stereotypical Female-Led Relationship (FLR)/cuckoldry blog, left a reply to me, so I took the liberty of commenting again:

Hey Scott,

There was no need for personal attacks here when a measured rebuttal by you would have been more than sufficient.

screw you and your derailing bullshit.

I’ve never heard of you and have managed to get along just fine with that.

Obviously, it’s because you’ve never heard of me that informs why you’ve never heard me give “a measured rebuttal.” You didn’t bother to consider that possibility, though, did you?

So start by following some of the links I left in my previous comment (duh). And then, when you’ve exhausted yourself reading through those and what they link to, here are some more for you to start at:

• The BDSM Scene is a recreation of “Pontus” - MaleSubmissionArt.com
• Domism: Role Essentialism and Sexism Intersectionality in the BDSM Scene
• Interview with Staci Newmahr, author of Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy

And also, next time you make a fool of yourself, don’t expect someone to take the time to link you to places where you can educate yourself, far less to be nice about it. I mean really, has anyone who commented on this post so far even read Weiss’s book (or at least any of her other published articles)? My own review copy hasn’t arrived yet. And really, Scott, your questioning of Weiss’s age (“perhaps she’s too young to recall how repressive American society used to be”) is bordering on blatant sexism and ageism, since it’s a direct implication that she doesn’t know her history. If you’d actually read her work you’d know better than this, which doesn’t even get to the point that the whole “but it’s better now than it used to be!” argument being used [as] an excuse to dismiss today’s oppressive behavior should make any ethical person want to vomit all over you, and I sincerely hope they do. It’s your job to educate yourself about derailing and oppressive behavior and then change it. Capisce?

That goes double for any commenters who’ve read this far and still have the knee-jerk urge to say something dismissive of the points Weiss has been raising.

No surprise such shit-covered entrails came from the FLR blogosphere.

For posterity, here’s the rebuttal Scott offered this time:

Hi maymay,

I rest my case. I’ve tried to be civil.

Best,

scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse

My own rebuttal is even simpler:

Civility is no measure of veracity, Scott. (Again, duh.)

UPDATE: A discussion of the issues of sexism, racism, and classism continued in my next post, but Scott found it necessary to keep showing off how ignorant he is. Here is the rest of our conversation.

Scott wrote back:

maymay,

I really didn’t want to get sucked back into this but it appears that you want to create some sort of change in “the scene.” In order to do that you need to change the way scene people think and feel. You have had an opportunity here which you have nearly squandered.

Why do you think that calling people names is advantageous to your cause? Even if you know something that others don’t, that doesn’t mean that they’re incapable of understanding what you know. How does it help you or your cause to make enemies so unnecessarily? You don’t know us and, just as Peroxide pointed out, if you used a minimum of diplomacy you might have won us over without any struggle at all. As it stands, by your frontal assault, you’ve not only pushed us away from you but disinclined us to focus on your cause.

Diplomacy: “Skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility.”

You might consider it. When it works, it keeps us from killing each other.”

Best,

scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse

I replied (but, several days later, Tom has yet to publish this reply):

You’re missing the point (again), Scott. I don’t want to “win you over” at all. I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep if you disappeared forever or got hit by a bus tomorrow. Let me make this perfectly clear: I don’t give a shit about you and your presumption that I would, or even that I should, and your continued totally fucking privileged bullshit berating hostile interactions is precisely why I find your behavior not merely personally revolting, but systemically oppressive. Can you understand that or do you need me to spell it out more succinctly for you?

Now, since I’ve made that as clear as I can possibly make it, I intend to avoid interacting with you directly, so you’ll not get another direct response from me. Period.

I do my best to always mean what I say and say what I mean. This is the end of our interactions. Scott may want the last word. In that event, you’ll probably be able to find it on the full comment thread over at Tom’s blog.